The Whole Kindness Trap


We are asked to be kind as part of our religious conviction. I get that. Kindness is like a balm; kindness can allow people the time and space to change. I'm a big fan of kindness.

But the exhortation "be kind!" can be weaponized to prevent you from speaking truth, to prevent others from hearing truth, and to prevent you from protecting yourself and others in your care. We all know the tale of the rattlesnake who asked a man to be knd and take him across the river on his back, only for the snake to bite him as they neared the shore. The snake weaponized kindness to destroy that man, and the man was kind enough to let him.

I am sick to death of weaponized kindness. I have seen too many casualties from it. Though I am not on Twitter, someone brought this brilliant thread to my attention about this very topic. The author, 'Jennifer,' lays it out plainly--I'll write down much of what she said below, but her full thread is something you really should read.

"How many times does someone say “including others doesn’t hurt you”? We hear it all day long. They are wrong. They know it. They don’t want you to know it.

"Let’s start here. When women are a subset of women they cannot lay claim to anything that was separately a woman’s. In one linguistic sleight of hand, women have lost their individuality that determines who has control of something. Be it sports or prison or their name.

"Now the woman is just a grumpy member of the group trying to keep something away from other WOMEN. EVERY reason why we have separate spaces women is instantly wiped out with this trick. We are stunned. We try to explain. We are sure it’s a misunderstanding.

"We try to justify why we have separate spaces. We explain desperately about things we all knew five minutes ago. We are sure they just don’t get it. As we explain power differential we are called shrill or mean. Or worse they get endless accusations of NAMALT (not all men are like that). And why are we doing this? To justify our right to get our OWN stuff. We beg for our own stuff back. We try to explain why we should have our own stuff.

"And all because with one linguistic move, women have ceased to be an entity entitled to their OWN things. It’s the ultimate takeover. Property belongs to the owner. If you get the clerk to add a name to the title of your home, you no longer own it.

"This is actually a thing thieves do. They change the title on your home. (Check periodically). It’s sinister because it is effective. That’s what TWAW [Trans women are women] does. It changes the name on the title.

"And since the phrase is trans women are women and women are cis women, the TW now gains the prominent and controlling place on the title. The women are just cis women. A subset. A minor player. With no rights at all. Full control has been turned over.

"But the game is not complete. For women are powerful and can speak up. Who would let them take their stuff without complaint? So now we get to the second genius move. The way to shut women up. We are told we are hateful if we object to having our own stuff taken. [Example given: "Giving trans people a space away from cis people is fine considering trans people are a marginalized group and need to have dedicated support . . . Same is true of women, which is why women's shelters exist. But cis women excluding trans women from those spaces is just pure hate."]

"We are now just a member of the group taking OTHER’S stuff. Now it is fully theirs. They are entitled to it. We are excluding them from THEIR stuff. It is akin to racism. It is ingroup superiority and it cannot be allowed. Do you see what they have done?

"You are now a terrible person if you object to the thief inserting his name on the title of your own home against your will. The home you worked for. Paid for. You are now begging to be allowed a piece of it. Maybe we can compromise you, plead. You want to be nice.

"And when you beg for someone to recognize you as a full being, you are told the mantra again. It is now solidified. You are no longer you. It has been declared. And If you DARE even name this as men taking over women’s stuff, you are called a bigot, or a transphobe. You cannot name the thing being done to you or by whom it was done. Especially the latter. You cannot state this is the more physically powerful group taking something from the less physically powerful. That is absolutely taboo.

"Social media will punish you. You will be ostracized. You will be silenced if you push it. For simply naming what has happened to you, you are punished. What can you do?

"Refuse the game the best you can. Refuse the linguistic sleight of hand. Call it out. Make it clear. Say no.

"Forced inclusivity does harm you. This isn’t about civil rights this is about property rights. Ownership. Control. That’s the linguistic game here.

"No one has a civil right to take your stuff away from you. They don’t have a right to include themselves in your spaces, races, or places. They are yours. You earned them. Say no. N.O.

"Addendum: See. Here is the perfect example. Now it is called cis supremacy if women have their own stuff. (This discussion is about rape shelters btw. They don’t even want women having those.). See how the game works? [Example given: "No one is taking away women's spaces; trans women are simply making use of them and TERFs/cis supremacists are freaking out about it."]

"For the gaslighting people who say no one is taking the word female away from you. It’s gone too. In the new language there are no words for women to speak of themselves. That’s a remarkable statement. And it’s true. [Example given: Lia Thomas was given an award that is presented to "female student-athletes"]

"Remove language from a group and you have achieved total subjugation over them. Try it. Try to speak of women’s issues in this new language. It can’t be done. You can’t speak of women, or even females now. These words no longer have the meaning you are trying to convey.

"Remember I said you try desperately to explain things we all know? Don’t. They know perfectly well why you’re saying what you are. They use your own discomfort to gaslight you and make you angry. It’s a power play. Don’t play their game.

"Do you see how this works? The women inmates are so unimportant they don’t even have a descriptor. If they are dehumanized then it is ok to house them with anyone who seeks to be housed with them. They are background noise.[Example given: "Transgender woman impregnated two inmates"]

"Update: Think I was being hyperbolic about them taking words away from us? This is one of the most powerful artificial intelligences in the world called #ChatGPT. They say it will replace Google. It has no word for women. Humans programmed it. [When ChatGPT is asked for a word that means 'adult human females that have never been men,' this is what it responded: "To my knowledge, there is no single word that means adult females who have never been male."]

"Let’s talk about another tactic. Notice how when we talk about safeguarding they shriek that we are calling an entire group a predator? They KNOW we aren’t doing that. It’s a tactic to make you look bad so you lose the argument. Don’t fall for it.

"Update: the language takeover marches on. First they took the phrase hormone replacement therapy to label drug taking that had nothing to do with “replacing” anything. Now, they say that women’s hrt is just a kind of gender affirmation. Activists subjugate women yet again. [Example given: Tranactivists say that peri-menopausal women on HRT are on "gender affirming medication."]

"Here is a woman trying to write a paper about women. But she isn’t allowed a word to describe women. She tries to use the phrase “biological women” and receives a failing grade. If you don’t have a word you can’t speak about a concept."

I think you get the point. People have tried to show that they are kind and nice by going along with this complete distortion of language--a distortion so grotesque that Isaiah's prophecy has come true. Black is white, male is female, good is evil, and evil is good. Truth is but a lie, and lies are the truth.

It is time for nice, kind people of good will to STOP GOING ALONG WITH THIS. Even if it makes you feel unkind, even if other people tell you that you are unkind, you have to STOP.

I took heart when someone sent me a clip by Megyn Kelly, in which she says that she used to use preferred pronouns, but now she realizes she was abetting a lie. She has decided she will stop doing this.

I took heart when most of the British women's angling team quit after they were forced to accept a man on their team, which they felt would mean their team would be cheating.

We women must stop playing along with these lies as a sign of our kindness and niceness. Only when women stand up together and say, "NO!" will Truth have a chance once more.

So, dear readers, practice REFUSING to go along with lies. Even if it makes you feel bad because people are telling you that you aren't being kind! There are limits to kindness and we have definitely hit those limits at this point in time.