As a teen convert to the Church, I was taught that we have a Heavenly Mother, but She was being protected by Heavenly Father from the fallen-ness of our world and so we did not pray or speak about Her. The idea, as I understood it, was that if no one thought or spoke about Her, somehow She would be protected. How an immortal, all-powerful goddess could stand in need of protection was never explained to me. Even my teenaged convert self knew that was hooey.
After I became a mother myself, I knew it was not just dismissable nonsense, but actually introduced error into Church doctrine, making it worse than nonsense. For many years of their mortal existence, the most present personage in an individual’s life, barring death or mental illness, is typically their mother. Mothers want to be in touch with their children. Mothers will overcome any obstacle to reach their children; in the 1980s, the Committee of Soldiers’ Mothers in the Soviet Union commandeered buses to take them to Afghanistan to retrieve their soldier-sons from the war there. They did not seek protection—they sought their children even in the midst of danger. And this everlasting reaching out is reciprocated by their children: I asked my college-age students how often they text or call their mom, and the average turned out to be twice a day; many are in touch more than that. While men in the Church may become General Authorities, Mothers in Zion are the Specific Authorities to the individuals to whom they have given birth, and over whom they have a stewardship of care. And mortal souls apparently feel a deep need to reach out often to those Specific Authorities who have typically been the ones who blessed them with the priestesshood ordinances of pregnancy, birth, lactation, and motherlove.
So the idea that a Heavenly Mother—who is even more wonderful than the most wonderful mother on earth—would be on board with being separated from Her children for the purposes of Her own protection is both laughable and also defamatory. That is simply not who She is, and that is certainly not what She wants her apprentices—Her daughters—to be or to aspire to be. This erroneous idea leads women away from the true nature of their divine role model, not towards it, and thus causes spiritual mischief, with the potential for real harm.
My conclusion is that we have this wrong. The folk understanding we have traditionally held within the Church about Heavenly Mother’s perceived absence and reasons for it, is simply erroneous.
Shall we ponder anew?
I think every woman (and man) should ponder these things for themselves. The stark contradiction between the apparent behavior of our best earthly mothers and that of our Mother in Heaven compels us to ponder. This contradiction is a real, genuine, mystery of God, presented to us, as it were, on a silver platter, making it un-ignorable. To me, this signifies that Heaven intended us to be puzzled by this, and that wrestling with and pondering about it will lead us forward in our spiritual wisdom and understanding. For women, especially, the task seems positively urgent: it is our destiny to become like our Heavenly Mother, but not only does She sometimes feel like a cipher, Her apparent behavior is downright bewildering, given all we know about earthly motherhood.
If you are looking for definitive answers in this essay, you won’t find them, because I don’t have them. But I’ve been seeking insight for over fifty years on this subject, and I’ve received thoughts, impressions, and feelings line-upon-line as I have passed through the various seasons of earthly motherhood. These are all I have to offer; may you find some of it useful, or at least a thought-provoking springboard for your own ponderings.
There is a framework that bounds my thinking, which is the doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Within that doctrinal framework are key elements, which I won’t belabor here, but merely list:
1) There is no divinity without male and female joined together. Each possesses powers the other does not, but united together as equals in equal partnership, the fullness of godly power is made manifest. We have a Heavenly Mother and a Heavenly Father.
2) The joint work of the Mother and the Father is to organize and help develop souls who can become like They are, enjoy the happiness They feel, and one day engage in the family business with Them, which family business is to “bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.”
3) It is not possible to be good without truly free agency to choose otherwise, and it is not possible to be a divine being, such as our Heavenly Parents, without being completely good. Both agency and the distinction between good and evil, then, are the priceless foundations of potential divinity.
4) In some way, a physical body that can affect the material world is essential for truly free agency. Those without bodies have some agency—after all, there was a War in Heaven—but not a full agency.
5) Through some means, there is the possibility of eternal progression from a less good state to a more good state. If there is no progression, there is limit, sometimes called damnation. Many organized intelligences kept their first estate by choosing the Great Plan of Happiness. As a result, they were permitted to progress to their second estate, which is their mortal, embodied life here on earth where they are given full embodied agency and tested as to how they will use it in a context where a veil has been placed between them and Heaven. Those who keep their second estate by choosing the right even with the veil in place will inherit a kingdom of higher glory and may continue their progression toward becoming like their Heavenly Parents. The fullest destiny of every son of our Heavenly Parents is to become a Heavenly Father, and the fullest destiny of every daughter of our Heavenly Parents is to become a Heavenly Mother. At least in the second estate, the possibilities of fatherhood and motherhood in the flesh make plain those destinies, and render us as apprentices who are learning and growing along the path They once trod.
6) Redemption for the misuse of agency in mortality is possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, who in His supernal act of self-sacrifice knit together mercy and justice so that He might conquer death and sin for all. Christ is truly a son of Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother, and He manifests characteristics and attitudes of both, especially since He has taken upon Himself not only all of the mortal experiences of men, but also all of the mortal experiences of women. Christ’s Atonement is the sacrifice that makes our progress beyond fallenness possible, and makes it possible for us to return to the presence of our Heavenly Parents once more.
With all this as backdrop, we return to the question at hand of the obvious puzzle set before us concerning the perceived distance of our Heavenly Mother.
It is important to first probe in what sense we feel there is a distance, to investigate if we are perceiving that accurately. For example, we might start out by asking whether it is true that we know much more about our Heavenly Father than our Heavenly Mother, as is often claimed. “We know nothing about Her other than Her existence,” is a refrain I have heard consistently over the years among CoJC women. In another essay, I’ve pointed out that we actually know little about either of our Heavenly Parents, and indeed, we know as little of Heavenly Father as we do of Heavenly Mother. Quoting here:
I note that an interesting statement was recently made by Elder Dallin H, Oaks. In his April 2017 conference talk, “The Godhead and the Plan of Salvation,” he notes something that I have never heard before, but which is true: “ . . . we know comparatively little about [God the Father]”. Elder Oaks goes on to say that while we know very little about God the Father, we do know some important things, such as that He is the Father of Jesus Christ and all of us, for example. Elder Oaks concludes, “What we know of the nature of God the Father is mostly what we can learn from the ministry and teachings of His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ.”
I found this striking, because of course the very same thing has been said about Heavenly Mother. We certainly “know comparatively little” about Her. We do know some important things about Her, such as the fact She exists, that She is married to Heavenly Father, and that She is the mother of all of our spirits, including Jesus Christ. And it would be fair to conclude that what we know of the nature of God the Mother is mostly what we can learn from the ministry and teaching of Her Son, Jesus Christ.
Isn’t that interesting? We actually know about as much about Heavenly Mother as we know about Heavenly Father! That is certainly food for thought, especially since people have often told Her daughters that since we know very little about Her, that implies She must not be very important in the eternal scheme of things. And, I would add, there is the further implication that we should not spend our time thinking or speaking about Her. I would submit that since lack of knowledge about Him does not diminish Heavenly Father’s importance in our lives, that lack of knowledge about Her likewise does not diminish Heavenly Mother’s importance in our lives.
I conclude from this that acknowledging more openly that we know little about either of our Heavenly Parents would be a very helpful step for our faith community to take. On the dimension of “how much or how little do we know,” our Heavenly Parents stand as equals. I feel strongly that we need to change the way we’ve been talking and thinking about this to better reflect truth and avoid mischief. One of my mantra phrases which I interject into spiritual conversations as often as I can is, “We know as much about Heavenly Mother as we do about Heavenly Father.” When you say this out loud, the conversation changes for the better because there is more truth being expressed.
Furthermore, when we can refer to both our Heavenly Parents, and not just one of our Heavenly Parents, we should do that, as I’ve tried to exemplify in yet another essay here. Needless invisibilization and lack of acknowledgement of one of our Parents introduces a type of doctrinal error that often causes widespread unintended harm without vigilance on our part. I am sure this is why the Young Women’s credo was changed. So a second phrase that I purposefully emphasize in spiritual discussions is “Heavenly Parents.” When it is doctrinally correct to say “Heavenly Parents” or “Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father,” say it. And keep saying it. When you do, the conversation changes for the better because once again there is more truth being expressed.
All well and good, you might say, but there are some differences that cannot be gainsaid in such an obvious and easy manner. As recently as April 2022 general conference, we have been reminded that we are not to pray to Heavenly Mother, but we are told to pray to Heavenly Father instead, in the name of Jesus Christ. We are told that Heavenly Mother is not part of the three-male-personage godhead for this earth, which is comprised of Heavenly Father, the Savior Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. [Some have tried to suggest the Holy Ghost is Shekhina, female in nature, but CoJC doctrine states that the Holy Ghost is a male personage. [1]]
These are the two puzzles to ponder. First, while we may pray to our Heavenly Father, we have been asked not to pray to our Heavenly Mother. That is puzzling—why would a Father ask His children not to address their Mother? That seems very odd, and not in keeping with how the best earthly homes are run, according to the advice we have been given on homelife by our general authorities. Second, while we know Heavenly Mother is an all-powerful goddess, she is not a member of the all-male godhead that presides over the planet(s) where Her beloved children are experiencing their critical second estate which determines, assuming I understand correctly, if they will ever be in Her presence again for eternity. That is puzzling—why would only males be placed in charge of the children, who are as much children of their Mother as children of their Father? Why would males determine if the children ever get to see their Mother again? All of that seems odd, and not in keeping with how the best earthly homes are run, according to the advice we have been given on homelife by our general authorities.
I raise these issues in the starkest way possible, because I do believe we are meant to see the immense contrast between the happy homes we are trying to build on earth, and the comparatively strange circumstances surrounding this earth life and our Mother—and not only meant to see the contrast, but we are also meant to be very puzzled about it and therefore meant to seek understanding about what is going on. Can you imagine if it was taught in general conference that fathers were not to allow their children to address their mothers, or that fathers and not mothers were to be the only parental presence in their children’s lives, or that fathers would decide whether children could ever see their mother again? The thought makes reason stare and the heart freeze. Clearly we would be reproved by our ecclesiastical leaders if we were to try and pattern our earthly homes after these strange things.
I submit it’s time to do what we are apparently meant to do—seek for insight on this puzzle. And perhaps it is not the place of our male general authorities to do it for us. After all, wouldn’t that, in a way, just perpetuate the strangeness? Or estrangement? Would She really intend to have Her sons mansplain to Her daughters about Her? Again “the thought makes reason stare.”
So let us start with what we do know about our eternal journey as children of our Heavenly Parents, and see if we can discern more. We believe there was a premortal existence, where our intelligences were organized into spirit children of Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father, and we lived with both of Them in Their Home, and thus were in the presence of both of Them. We also believe there is a mortal existence that we who are alive now are currently living, where we live with neither of our Heavenly Parents, and are not in Their presence. And we believe there is a postmortal existence, as well, where some of us will return to the presence of both of our Heavenly Parents, and some will not.
Clearly the matter of in whose presence we are depends on what stage of our journey we are in. That appears to my mind as a great clue to the puzzle.
Second, and as we will explore in greater detail below, the bestowing of a gift on another is predicated on sacrifice by the gift-giver. You can substitute many words for gift-giving in that sentence: the bestowing of a blessing, the opening of a door, the power to lift another to a higher plane, the offering of grace, the endowment of power. I submit that each stage of our journey—each progression—is made possible through sacrifice on the part of our Parents and Their Son Jesus Christ. It is their work, their glory to do so.
Our Parents sacrificed to organize our intelligences and to nurture, teach, and love us in our first stage of the journey, our first estate. We do not remember these things, but many times there are hints in our patriarchal blessings of that blessed time when we were “nurtured by th[eir] side,” Father and Mother both. As an earthly mother, I cannot help but liken this to my own experiences when my children were little. Lots and lots of hard work and sacrifice there, with the glory of slobbery kisses and cuddles and (for the most part) obedience and gratitude given in return.
But children do not stay little forever, for we parents are actively helping them to grow and develop their potential to become as we are. There came a point—who can know how or when it came—when we were ready for the next step forward. And what a fateful step that would be. No doubt we as God’s children—God’s teenagers?--had clamored for the right to choose for ourselves and become truly material agents in the universe. These are things our Parents have, and we wanted them as well because we were organized as spirit intelligences by Them in order to be like Them. There is no other way; we cannot become like Them without true, full agency, and without a material body to manifest that agency fully. These two things are so integrally connected that they must happen together.
What sacrifice did our Parents make so that we could move forward from our first estate into our second estate? And was that sacrifice different for our Mother than it was for our Father? We know the answer to the first question. The sacrifice They made was to remove Their presence from us, Their much-beloved children, and to place a veil between Their abode and ours. [2] Think of it from Their perspective—we, Their children, had never, ever been away from Home before. Would the emplacement of the veil have been felt by Them as a sacrifice? I believe it would. I know it would, for I am a parent myself.
But what about the second question—was that sacrifice different for our Mother than it was for our Father?
It is possible that it was. To probe this further, I’d like to refer to a comment a friend of mine made the other day. She is dealing with a young adult son whose heart has become hardened towards her specifically, to the point where he will hardly speak with her, treats her as a potted plant when he is around her, and almost literally cannot hear anything she says to him because he has so blocked her out of his heart and mind. And she is a good mother who has sacrificed much for this son, and loved him well. Weeping, she said to me, “I leapt for joy when I found out I was pregnant with him. I carried him in my womb nine months, and talked to him all the time. Childbirth was incredibly hard and painful, but when they put him in my arms my heart almost burst with happiness. I nursed him for a long time, and I was there for him through all the thicks and all the thins. I knew what he was thinking even before he thought it; I knew his dreams and his fears. He was the apple of my eye; I loved him more than my own life. The connection was so strong, I thought it was unbreakable. And now . . . my grief is as deep and as wide as my love for him.”
I’ve reflected on what my friend said to me, and this painful experience facing her, almost a repudiation of her motherhood, in a sense. Sometimes I feel that the essence of the power of the motherhood—as versus the fatherhood or the parenthood—is this deep connection exemplified by the mother-child bond. Indeed, when Nephi asks about the love of God, he is shown in vision a mother and child, the virgin and the Christ child (1 Nephi 11). He could have just been shown the adult Christ, but all life and love points to its ultimate example of the love a mother has for her child, which we have been told by prophets is the closest thing on earth to the love of God. [3] That power to deeply and lovingly connect is the power of motherlove. And what motherlove connects to in turn grows, as a fruit on the vine. It is soul-to-soul nurture, from which all new life comes forth. Research tells us that cells from her child’s body will circulate in a mother’s body forever, and that cells from her body will circulate in her child’s body forever, giving us a physical metaphor for this powerful connection.
Now, please do not misunderstand: I am certainly not saying that those who have not borne children are incapable of connection. But what I am saying is that there is a real spiritual and physical power that comes from the connection the mother makes with her child. The navel mark has deep spiritual meaning, and it is given to every soul who comes to earth. The connection is life-giving and life-preserving, which is why it is often associated with mercy and compassion. But we have so “wimpified” those words that we no longer see that motherlove is one of the greatest, strongest powers in the universe. JK Rowling came close to re-envisioning that power when she wrote in her fictional Harry Potter novels of Lily Potter’s unbreakable spell, woven before she was killed defending her child, that protected Harry for the rest of his life.
But after many years of study and real-world experience, I have come to the conclusion that the power of connection by itself cannot produce Heaven. Connection without bounds is like mercy unconstrained, or tolerance unbounded. It has the possibility of becoming monstrous, of enabling and preserving that which should never be enabled or preserved or fostered. I can think of many mothers who have followed their children out of the Church for love of that child, or have excused (or even facilitated) evil behavior by their child that they never should have excused, for love of that child. Connection is incredibly powerful, which is why it must be tempered by the distinction between good and evil.
And that means we need the power of disconnection, as well. There must be a power that weeds and prunes, a power that has the ability to sever the connection to the living vine, in order to preserve the good and destroy evil. We know that heaven creates chasms and gulfs and barriers (Luke 16:26; 1 Ne 12:18; 2 Ne 1:13; Hel 3:29), and it’s important to understand why. Without the power to separate the good from the evil, good could not exist. The power of severance ensures that good may flourish even in a universe of agency. These two things are incredibly precious—agency and the good—and the only way to maintain both priceless things is to wield the power of separation. The scriptures testify of this. Satan and the third of the host of heaven were separated from their heavenly home, presumably forever. We also know that there is not complete and free mingling among the children of God in the life after this one, or in the life after the final judgment. Here on earth, we know that some persons in the church are not allowed to enter temples, some are not allowed to partake of the sacrament or hold callings, and some even have their membership and temple blessings stripped from them. We need a restraining power as well as a life-giving power. We need the power of disconnection as well as the power of connection. We need “my word, which is quick and powerful, sharper than a two-edged sword, to the dividing asunder of both joints and marrow” (D&C 14:2). We need the power of the fatherhood.
This particular pairing of powers—connection and disconnection--allows there to be not only life, but also good, truth, right, happiness. If no separation were possible--we are told by Father Lehi that good, truth, right, and happiness could not exist, for all would be a “compound in one” and even life would have no meaning (2 Ne 2:11). Indeed, “it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death.”
Of course, the power of disconnection, not tempered by the power of connection, would be unimaginably brutal, unfair, and utterly destructive. Disconnection unchained, uncommitted to any notion of the good, the true, the right, and the happy that is the real destiny of connection would not be a compound in one—it would be as sterile as an asteroid. There would have been no creation at all.
I sometimes wonder what felicitous and revolutionary occurrence took place somewhere, somehow, when a spirit with an immense power of connection and a spirit with an immense power of disconnection first came together, uniquely capable of carving out a space for both agency and the good that life might flourish in joy. At that joining, the “compound in one” dissolved and the universe became possible. Agency is the child of both connection and disconnection. For agency to be meaningful, there needs to be Life and there needs to be Law in the service of the good, the true, the right, and the happy—which is the highest expression and aspiration of Life. When Life submits her children to the Law, and the Law is the faithful servant of Life’s greatest hopes for those children, there can be both full agency and heaven. This is the work of God, and it requires an equal partnership between the Mother and the Father. [4]
We can also see with clearer vision the common temptations that beset the sons and daughters of God. For daughters, the temptation is to nurture and enable that which should not be nurtured and enabled, subverting the boundaries between right and wrong, good and evil. [5] For sons, the temptation is to reign with blood and horror on this earth in order to make all others slaves.
Accept my premise on connection and disconnection for a moment. If this somewhat describes what we, seeing through a glass darkly, term the difference between the power of men and the power of women in the eternal scheme of things, then the premortal realm may be a realm more focused on connection, and thus could be seen as a realm presided over by divine women. This is the stage of the children’s lives where they are being organized and encouraged to live and grow as children of our Parents. The emphasis seems more on growth and nurturance. But this premise would also suggest that the mortal realm is a realm presided over by divine men, for this is the stage of the children’s lives where they are proving whether they can choose the right and to what degree they are willing to follow the Word. It was only at the end of our premortal childhood and the beginning of our mortality that we see a greater role for the power of disconnection. The War in Heaven led to just such an exercise of that power. (The post-mortal celestial kingdom, we would presume, is presided over by the diarchy of Mother and Father together, for this is the workshop of the “family business” of jointly bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.)
There would be a sequence, then, to the Great Plan of Happiness which orders our progression from the first estate to the second and beyond. The Plan would be like unto a mixed relay team, where the daughters of God (ably assisted by the sons of God) initialize each soul’s experience passing through the divide or veil between the premortal and mortal realms, between the world of our first estate and the world of our second, by providing life, love, nurture, and guidance to the newly embodied soul, awakening within each soul the light of Christ. But as the individual soul becomes a full agent at the age of accountability, the critical test of the second estate, which is using one’s agency to choose the right and the good, is overseen by those sons of God (ably assisted by the daughters of God) who have been found worthy to be ordained to that task. The daughters of God pass the baton, as it were, to the sons of God for the final lap towards Home and back through the veil. I believe there is some evidence that this sequencing does exist in the Plan; one evidence is the difference in the washing and anointing ceremonies for men versus women. The stewardship of presiding over this fallen world of our second estate would therefore fall to those with the divine power of disconnection, that is, the gods. In a sense this would be akin to a presiding bishopric for the fallen world(s)--the presiding threesome of God the Father, God the Son, and God the (male) Holy Ghost. [6]
That Heavenly Mother would not be a member of the presiding bishopric over this fallen world would then not indicate—as some have too often assumed--that She is somehow lesser or ignorable in the eternal scheme of things. It would simply mean that Her presiding assignment is over a different stage of our development as the children of God. So I can understand why official petitions and prayers are rightly sent up to the president of the presiding bishopric of this world, Heavenly Father, through our advocate Jesus Christ, who is as much His Mother’s son as He is His Father’s son.
Understanding that there may be a reason why we do not pray to Heavenly Mother or count her as a member of the presiding bishopric over this earth that has nothing to do with protecting Her or diminishing Her leads to a unconventional conclusion. This view would also mean that Heavenly Mother is not necessarily distanced from Her children in this fallen world at all. She could still be fully invested in the lives of Her children here on earth, still fully available in a spiritual sense to those of Her children who cherish Her and do not harden their hearts against Her, as my friend’s son did to her. Remember—if Her daughters are the Specific Authorities of this world, as I have argued elsewhere, then Heavenly Mother is their Mentor; Her daughters need, even require, Her mentorship to execute their stewardship here on earth. I believe that She can and will impart wisdom and counsel to Her apprentices in the fallen world, even if She is not the presiding authority over this fallen world of the second estate. Those who are worthy not need to pray to Heavenly Mother to be in contact with Her, feel Her presence, and receive Her wisdom.
I myself have felt that mentorship many times in my life, especially in my role as a mother. One of the most vivid experiences I have had in that respect was when I was in labor with one of my children, and felt distinctly female spiritual presences helping me through the pain to move my body in such and such a way to speed the delivery and hasten my relief. That this priestesshood experience should be attended by heavenly messengers of comfort and help who were perceptibly female helped me understand that She is never far, unless we—perhaps influenced by the erroneous traditions of the fathers--make her that way.
As I wend my way through this life as a mother, I cannot help but feel these experiences have given me deeper insight into Her heart and mind. Sometimes I actually sense Her whisper, “I am giving you this experience as part of your education in the Motherhood.” It reminds me of these heartfelt lyrics, “Ancient mother, I hear you calling; Ancient mother, I sing your song; Ancient mother, I share your laughter; Ancient mother, I taste your tears.” I have laughed and I have cried with Her. She is there all around me and in me, if I understand aright: the artist Laura Erekson has a wonderful depiction of this in a painting she did for the “Certain Women” art show of 2021. We can see Her imprint only if we have eyes to see. If we Her daughters are open to it, our hearts beat as one with Her mother heart, our minds think alike with Her mother mind.
So after fifty years of searching, I have come to the conclusion that I actually do not believe Heavenly Mother has distanced Herself from Her children. I think the very nature of the test of our second estate does that with regard to both our Parents: the blessed veil [7] must descend, and the presence of both Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother must be beyond it. While this disconnection is surely felt as a sacrifice, that sacrifice brings about great, eternal good and progression for Their children. But I also believe that as we choose the right and exercise the power of Christ’s Atonement, the connection is slowly restored and the veil becomes much thinner. Indeed, is there any better title for the famous painting of our Heavenly Parents by Rose Datoc Dall than what she gave it: “The Veil is Beginning to Burst”? I think there is not.
Indeed, we must also ponder Christ’s Atonement anew, I believe. Christ Himself represents His Mother as well as His Father in our lives, does He not? Christ is our advocate with the Father on our behalf, having suffered in blood and tears to bring us forth spiritually reborn, in frank similitude of the work of our mothers in giving birth to us (or the work of mothers being in similitude of the work of Christ). His wrestle in Gethsemane was as the wrestle of labor by mothers, his death on the cross was as the many maternal deaths in childbirth, his resurrection was as the many mothers who were saved in childbearing after suffering, he has physical scars from the process as testament to what was done just as our mothers have, he was transformed by his great sacrifice and his capacity to love increased just as happens with our mothers by their sacrifice. Christ’s greatest act cannot help but remind us of our mothers on earth and thus also our Mother in Heaven. And please remember that Christ took upon Himself all the experiences and pains suffered by women while in the Garden of Gethsemane. He intimately knows His sisters’ hearts and minds. Jesus Christ is the clear expression of the unity of our Father and our Mother, of the unity and marriage of mercy’s plea for connection and justice’s demand of disconnection, of the united purpose of our Parents in the Plan They provided for us. He is as much a messenger of Mother’s love for us as He is a messenger of Father’s love for us. He is Their Son.
Taking this all in leads to some other conclusions, as well. For example, no, I do not expect or anticipate any formal prophetic pronouncements about our Heavenly Mother from Church headquarters: it is not the place of Her sons to tell Her daughters about their Mother. We have all we need to know. She is in Her Son, She is in Her daughters, She is in Mother Earth, and we can be certain that She does desire re-connection. Coming to Her Son, Jesus Christ, is the first step to knowing Her. And then, if you are worthy—which at a minimum means sincerely and faithfully honoring, respecting, protecting, and listening to women—you may be surprised to feel Her touch when it comes, but I assure you that you will know it is Hers. There is no need to officially petition Her in prayer; let your official petitions be to the presiding divine bishopric over our fallen world. But She will be in your life nonetheless, and you will be re-connected, if you have come to Her Son, and if your heart is right towards Her and Her daughters.
Are there things we can do, and that the Church as an institution can do, to foster this hoped-for re-connection? Yes. I have already mentioned two ways we can change our conversations: “We know as much about Heavenly Mother as we do about Heavenly Father” should be a common saying amongst our members, and the use of the terms “Heavenly Parents” and “Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father,” where appropriate, should be encouraged. The increasing diarchy in the Church is a great step forward and I believe it will (and should and must) continue to increase before the Second Coming. I also believe at some point the Church will acknowledge that there is priestesshood in addition to priesthood, although these two “hoods” are organized in radically different fashion, and because of this radical difference, the Church does not oversee the priestesshood in any way. [8] The Church and its priesthood ordinances are part of the stewardship of the sons of God, but the priestesshood and its ordinances are organized very differently--and certainly not hierarchically, certainly not in centralized fashion, and certainly not by men. Our Mother’s mortal sons do not have the right or the ability to mediate the relationship between Her and Her daughters. We need to stop asking that they do so.
The Savior, though, is a different matter. No one qualifies to feel the presence of either Heavenly Mother or Heavenly Father without first coming unto Christ, for He is Their Beloved, the perfect expression of the two of Them. [9] In the end, the exhortation to “come unto Christ” is precisely the key. If we come unto Christ, we will begin to re-connect with His Mother, for He is Her child, as well. In Christ all the promises are fulfilled, including the promises our Mother made to us as we left Her presence, and the promises we made to Her. Come unto Christ, then, and have your heart’s longing fulfilled beyond measure.
In the end, I’ve come to the conclusion that Our Mother is only distant if we believe that She is distant. I no longer believe that. We approach Mother in the same way as we approach Father—by first coming to Christ. “We are fully able to learn as much about our Mother as we learn about our Father”: let us add that sentence to our conversations as well. She is not missing; our Mother was there all along, waiting for us to come to Her through that strait and narrow gate that leads to Her dwelling place.
Some persons at some time may have convinced us that there is no gate leading to Her at all; or, alternatively, they convinced us we didn’t need to open the gate and seek Her because all things female are lesser in importance, or implied we could not move towards Her without someone else’s permission (and that someone else had better be male). Those times are well ended, and those persons spoke out of ignorance. Perhaps we as a faith community were not yet ready to understand these views are erroneous because our world treated women as chattel when the Church was first restored. But we know better now.
And we know better now that we really, really need Her. As long as women were chattel, the world could bump along in grief and misery as it always had without any knowledge of who women really are. But now we can no longer continue as we did before—and it is plain that the human family not continuing. Whether we look at marriage rates (which are falling), or fertility rates (which are tanking), or pornography use (which has become the norm), or the desire to flee from one’s sex (which is skyrocketing among the young), the writing is on the wall. We have come undone because we don’t understand right relations between men and women, and that is in part because the historical subordination of women was tied to the invisibilizing of our Mother in Heaven. I assert it boldly: we cannot comprehend the meaning of our lives here on earth if we do not comprehend the marriage and equal partnership of our Father and our Mother. Our Father and our Mother together are God, and as Joseph Smith said, we must understand the nature of God to understand who we are. Only then will we have a future.
You can help. You need to help. We, the human family, need all the help we can get at this point in time. Teach all within earshot, but especially your children, about Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father, about Their marriage, about Their love, about Their joint work, about Their jointly Beloved Son. Emulate the ideal of Their relationship in your own lives. While teaching your children to pray to the godhead alone since they man the strait and narrow gate, teach them that Heavenly Mother is not distancing Herself; that She is reachable, that She wants us to reach out for Her, and that if we are worthy, we will feel Her influence and Her touch in our lives. Wherever possible, refer to “Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother.” Repeat often that “We know as much about Heavenly Mother as we do about Heavenly Father,” and “We are fully able to learn as much about Heavenly Mother as we learn about Heavenly Father.” Mothers, teach your daughters about their embodied priestesshood, and teach them how to feel Her tutoring in their lives. And above all else, teach all your children to come unto Christ, who is the strait and narrow gate leading to re-connection with both our Mother and our Father.
Best of all, you don’t need to wait for anyone’s permission to do these things. Be the change. By these small and simple means, great good will result. Be the change. Start today . . .
NOTES:
[1] There is more to say on the godhead. The three personages may be better understood as three callings. Though not accepted as doctrinal, Joseph Smith at one point taught that various male personages, in particular the prophets, variously occupied/occupy the calling of Holy Ghost over the time period in which the earth stands, with the implication that “Holy Ghost” is a calling, not a specific person, and the assignment may rotate in these realms that have “time.” (For example, we have such quotes as Joseph Smith once said that, "The Holy Ghost is yet a spiritual body and is waiting to take to himself a body, as the Savior did."[Joseph Smith, Encyclopedia of Joseph Smith's Teachings, edited by Larry E. Dahl and Donald Q. Cannon (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1997)] and "The Holy Ghost is now in a state of probation which if he should perform in righteousness he may pass through the same or a similar course of things that the Son has." (Joseph Smith, The Words of Joseph Smith, p. 245; Sabbath address, Nauvoo, 27 August 1843. Reported by Franklin D. Richards.))
In contrast, we believe Jesus Christ is the only person who holds the calling of Savior for the worlds He created (though, as seen by the quotes above, Joseph Smith also suggested “Savior” is a calling, and that in other universes, other persons may hold that calling). Our Heavenly Father is the person who is the Father of our spirits, but we also know that “Heavenly Father” is a calling to which His sons in the highest kingdom of glory may be called in other universes.
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[2] The scriptures suggest there was a prior sacrifice, too: the sacrifice They must have felt in removing Their presence from the third of Their children who followed Satan, and leaving them in Satan’s awful grasp of misery and woe. Since we know nothing beyond the fact of the matter as I have just stated it, I will not comment on it. [Back to manuscript].
[3] As President Joseph F. Smith said, “The love of a true mother comes nearer [to] being like the love of God than any other kind of love” (“The Love of Mother,” Improvement Era, Jan. 1910, 278) [Back to manuscript].
[4] This is not to say that mothers are all about connection and fathers are all about disconnection! A true marriage means characteristics become shared, just as mercy and justice, when married, produce redemption. Here, as in the Proclamation on the Family, we are speaking of assigned stewardships, which are not rigidly exclusive, yet still retain real meaning and carry real accountability. Fathers are not capable of giving birth, for example, but they are still connected to their children. While there may be primary stewardships, spouses are to be active partners to each other. [Back to manuscript].
[5] From a recent article: “Are young Western women playing a central role in the fomenting of violence? I am only willing to ask this in hopes that I will be shown to be wrong. I read articles, see interviews, etc., with pro-Hamas students, professors, politicians and they are overwhelmingly female. Someone is going to have to talk about this, or at least notice it out loud. . . [S]omeone has to look more deeply into the transformation of justice as an historically masculine virtue into “social” justice which is more akin to a reflexive compassion we might think of as feminine. Let us be perfectly clear, it is young Western women we hear shouting at these rallies. What sort of cruelty are they capable of? Do we even know? Are we willing to ask?” [Back to manuscript].
[6] One wonders if there is also a presiding female presidency for the premortal realm. Perhaps the Shekhina would be part of that. [Back to manuscript].
[7] Elder Neal A. Maxwell, in his book All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience, pp 9-12, has many interesting things to say about the blessed veil:
“We define the veil as the border between mortality and eternity; it is also a film of forgetting that covers the memories of earlier experiences. This forgetfulness will be lifted one day, and on that day we will see forever, rather than “through a glass, darkly.”
“However, there are poignant reminders of the veil even now, adding to our sense of being close but still outside. In our deepest prayers, when the agency of man encounters the omniscience of God, we sometimes sense how provincial our petitions really are. We perceive that there are more good answers than we have good questions, and that we have been taught more than we can tell, for the language used is not that which tongue can transmit.
“We experience this same close separateness when a baby is born, and also as we wait with those who are dying—for then we brush against the veil, as goodbyes and greetings are said almost within earshot of each other. In such moments, this resonance with realities on the other side of the veil is so real that it can be explained in only one way.
“No wonder the Savior said that His doctrines would be recognized by his sheep, that we would know His voice, that we would follow Him. We do not, therefore, follow strangers. Deep within us, His doctrines do strike the promised chord of familiarity and underscore our true identity. Our sense of belonging grows in spite of our sense of separateness, for His teachings stir our souls, awakening feelings within us that have somehow survived underneath the encrusting experiences of mortality.
“But mercifully the veil is there! It is fixed by the wisdom of God for our good.
“Without the veil, for instance, we would lose that precious insulation which keeps us from a profound and disabling homesickness that would interfere with out mortal probation and maturation. Without the veil, our brief, mortal walk in a darkening world would lose its meaning, for one would scarcely carry the flashlight of faith at noon-day and in the presence of the Light of the world!
“Without the veil, we could not experience the gospel of work and the sweat of our brow.
“And how could we learn about obedience if we were shielded from the consequences of our disobedience?
“Nor could we choose for ourselves in His holy presence among alternatives that do not there exist, for God’s court is filled with those who have both chosen and overcome—whose company we do not yet deserve.
“Fortunately, the veil keeps the first, second, and third estates separate, hence our sense of separateness. The veil insures the avoidance of having things “compound in one”—to our everlasting detriment. We are cocooned, as it were, in order that we might truly choose. Once, long ago, we chose to come to this very setting where we could choose. It was an irrevocable choice! And the veil is the guarantor that that choice will be honored.
“Eventually, the veil that now encloses us will be no more. Neither will time. Time is clearly not our natural dimension. Thus it is that we are never really at home in time. Alternately, we find ourselves wishing to hasten the passage of time or to hold back the dawn. We can do neither, of course, but whereas the fish is at home in water, we are clearly not at home in time—because we belong to eternity. Time, as much as any one thing, whispers to us that we are strangers here.
“Thus the veil stands—not forever to shut us out, but as a mark of God’s tutoring love for us. Any brush against it produces a feeling of “not yet,” but also faint whispers of anticipation when these words will be heard by the faithful: “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.”
“The veil (which is both the film of forgetting and the border between mortality and eternity) will, one day, be shown to have been a succoring screen for us earthlings. Were it possible to breach it on the wrong terms, we would see and experience, before we are ready, things that would moot much of the value in this mortal experience. Remember, we are being proven as to our faith and fitted for strenuous chores to be done elsewhere. To change the nature of this necessary experience by premature commingling would mean that we would not be suitable company for those we yearn to be with, nor would we be ready to go where they are ready to go, nor to do the things that they have painstakingly learned to do. There is no other way!
“Since—unlike for us enclosed by the veil—things are, for God, one “eternal now,” it is to be remembered that for God to foresee is not to cause or even to desire a particular occurrence—but it is to take that occurrence into account beforehand, so that divine reckoning folds it into the unfolding purposes of God. Thus, for those with faith it can be said, as by Paul, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
“The actual determinations, however, are made by mortals using our agency as to this or that course of action. For these determinations and decisions we are accountable. The essence of agency will have been present (and later at the judgment will be shown to have been provably present); otherwise the justice of our omniscient Father in heaven would not have obtained.
“Our agency is preserved, however, by the fact that as we approach a given moment we do not know what our response will be. Meanwhile, God had foreseen what we will do and has taken our decision into account (in composite with all others), so that His purposes are not frustrated.”
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[8] It also means no daughter of Heavenly Mother can pronounce anything about Her that is binding on any other daughter, because the priestesshood is radically decentralized. Therefore, knowledge given by Her to Her daughters will be radically decentralized, also. It is a very different pattern than what we see with the priesthood, which is hierarchical and centrally organized, and operates through a prophet giving revelation that is binding on all. [Back to manuscript].
[9] Did the Savior have to be a son and not a daughter? I think so, but the issue is too deep to completely enjoin here. Let’s leave it at the superficial level for the time being: if a woman had offered herself in the way that Christ did, no one would have thought it remarkable because women sacrifice themselves unto death to bring forth new life every day. Furthermore, it would have left men (and not women) completely unable to envision what God required them to become. [Back to manuscript].
Full Citation for this Article: Cassler, V.H. (2023) "Has Heavenly Mother Distanced Herself from this World?," SquareTwo, Vol. 16 No. 3 (Fall 2023), http://squaretwo.org/Sq2ArticleCasslerDistancedHeavenlyMother.html, accessed <give access date>.
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